Monday, 31 July 2017
By TIM DAVID HARVEY
"With the second pick in the 2017 NBA Draft the Los Angeles Lakers select...Lonzo Ball from the University of Southern California". This is it. Pandemonium to the podium. You know what it is. It's everything father Lavar guaranteed it would be as he bragged about his big three family of LaMelo, LiAngelo and Lonzo Ball being the greatest like some sort of Ali. But hows this for a first round knockout? In a draft watched by everyone from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on tour (with Flea armed with a purple and gold Lakers bass), to Jack Nicholson in his Hollywood home, the Lakers selected Los Angeles native Lonzo with their number 2 lottery ball pick from U.C.L.A. Just like everyone with a B.B.B. on their shirt and tie wanted. K.O. Now the only way the Lakers could top this is if they nabbed top L.A. born free agents Paul George (who wants to play in purple and gold) and Russell Westbrook (also a U.C.L.A. alumnus) from the Oklahoma City Thunder next summer for their new Purple reign. Or even the King for some 'BronBall' top trending for the new superstar team generation. Big Baller and Laker nation stand up. This is just like it was all meant to be. Or just like he told you so. Sure Lonzo might not have gone first. Or have the same jersey number as Brooklyn traded D'Angelo Russell, but he is the one. And just like the last Laker to wear number 2 on his chest, this number 2 pick, but first choice is looking for numbers that carry more weight. As just like Derek Fisher, Lonzo Ball knows it's all about the name above the number...on the front of his jersey. Not the back. Sure this kids second name may be Ball but he knows the most important one is the one he passes to his teammates en route to the basket. This is what Basketball is all about. And this is what the pass first, win MVP later Lonzo Ball is all about too. No wonder Magic wanted the tricks and trades of this Jason Kidd like Point Guard. The purest this draft has blown in in recent memory. Sure he looks like Drake but he plays like last name Ever. First name Greatest. This new Lake Show may be the youngest and best core of a future franchise, from Julius Randle and Jordan Clarkson to Larry Nance Jr. and Brandon Ingram. And let's not forget Ivica Zubac or Kyle Kumza too. But Hollywood's new leading man wants a statue like Shaq. Magic, Kareem, the logo and all of them. The new icon of new Showtime will pick up where Kobe left off until they put his jersey next to Big Game James Worthy and the 100 point dominance of Wilt Chamberlain in the retired rafters with all those banners he hopes to put up there. This is real, no Kardashian reality show with all due respect to the Sixth Man great Lamar Odom. This is the Ball generation. Welcome to the 'Lonzo Angeles Lakers'.
But the proof of a player is in the playing. And in the words of the late, comedy great Charlie Murphy talking about the purple king Prince, "this cat can ball man"! Haters will try and photoshop his debut numbers all over his big chip Las Vegas tournament like Twitter troll torment. But the Most Valuable Player of Sin City lead his new Lakers to their first Summer League Championship. After his 11/11/11 triple/double proved on this date that B.B.B.'s flagship athlete really was the one, no matter whos shoes he was wearing (the Mamba even serving as a muse), Ball really hit the jackpot. With casino numbers of 36 points, 11 assists, 8 rebounds, 5 blocks and 2 steals, the legend of Zo cut his way into the lane and Hollywood star Walk of Fame frame like Zorro. Marking his spot like X, but with a big 'B' from Z. And if numbers better than LeBron and Steph Curry when they were in their Summer days wasn't enough, then L.B. also tore up Vegas with Kyle Kumza like Kobe and D-Fish's class of '96 for their self-dubbed "lightskin connection". Summer League Championship MVP in Lonzo's stead, Kumza showing the luck of the late first round Lakers extends further than their Jordan, Nance and Zupac choice picks. Looks like there is more to this young core than a few top tens. These kids are off the charts. And it all correlates from Lonzo setting the ball and table floor so all the Lakers can eat as he passes the peach. Those Lonzo laser, precision perfect to the point passers are more accurate than that camping sniper you just wish would respawn on another game in 'Call Of Duty'. This guys dimes are the bomb. Throwing assists like grenades with the J-Will, 'White Chocolate', freewheeling pin out and when they hit their target off the glass...BOOM! You know Randle, Ingram and especially Larry are going to love this. And if the double teams come you know an open 2K, K.C.P and Jordan on the wing can just do it from downtown. Looks like these Sports Centre bound highlights of the week are about to be the young team of the year...and decade to come. If you liked how Ball balled this Summer...just wait for the fall.
Ball big all you like but this kid is more than a brand. Adidas, Nike and Under Armor know that. Even Lavar knows this, as B.B.B. is about his three boys before it's about his name brand. Say what you will about Lavar Ball, but he cut his slice of the American Dream and he did it all for his kids. As a matter of fact for someone who has stirred up so much controversy surrounding himself he actually has always made it about his sons and not number one. He wants LiAngelo and LaMelo to play for the Lonzo/Lake Show too. It seems like an impossible dream. But it's a California one in the La La Land city of stars that could only happen in Hollywood. The impossible has already happened once. Mission accomplished. Time to do it twice like Jay-Z's 'Blueprint'. Because this purple tape is all about legacy, family integrity and not gold brand strategy. No matter how expensive the shoes must be. If all three L.A. raised boys want to be King in their own city why not shine together for college and club association? Because U.C.L.A. is more than a name across a campus t-shirt or institution. It's a way of life. And the Los Angeles Lakers are more than just the National Basketball Association's most famous and flashiest franchise. They are the most storied one second to the Boston Celtics like in this years draft. From way before the seventies to 2017 and with all the Irish pride in Beantown, these L.A. lost boys could make Lakerland legacy legend. So long as in this lottery like league the Balls bounce the right way. But right now it's about Lonzo and all the places he and his Ingram and Randle big-three plus more team of the future, lead by this franchise face can go. Potential? The playoffs? The promised land? Let it all spin on Lonzo Ball's fingertips. This team and their collective future is in the palm of his hands. Now come opening night once the Spalding goes up, you know what's going down.
Let the Ball games begin...
Sunday, 14 May 2017
By TIM DAVID HARVEY.
Our new series feature #RoleReversal flips the switched up script and gives it up for the unsung role players of this great game. After all you don't have to be a superstar to become a champion.
Before Brooklyn the Nets were found sleeping in the Meadowland of New Jersey. That was until a Jason Kidd trade with the blazing Phoenix Suns for the freewheelin' Stephon Marbury released them from a freehold night and made them the beast of a once weak East in the new milleniuum early 2000's. As the 'bring your team back' Kidd (one of the greatest prototype points of all-time, now coaching the 6 foot 11 position and game changer, Greek freak, Giannis Antetokounmpo out in Milwaukee for the Bucks), changed the guard. Passing first to his twin wing, dunking forwards current Cavalier champion Richard Jefferson and Kenyon Martin/Vince Carter and even the revolving pivot of centres in Todd Maculloch and then Georgetown Hoyas in Net grey Alonzo Mourning and Dikembe Mutombo.
Unlike going up against a Zeke block, these red, white and blue fast neck-break Nets where unstoppable in the United State Of America's National Basketball Association. But that was until they met the brooms of the Shaq and Kobe era in the Lakerland's new dynasty of the new milleniuum lead by the Zen of Phil Jackson. Shaq treated the Nets revolving door of 7 footers and whichever fouled out, Power Forward body they could throw at him like garbage bags over your gate late at night. Whilst a young Kobe, Air apparant glided through like a comb through his afro to complete the sweep. And if that wasn't enough L.A's champion role playing big-three of Derek Fisher, Rick Fox and big shot Robert Horry dusted it all off.
But even if Hollywood's Los Angeles Lakers had Jack Nicholson shining courtside, New Jersey is the bootcut jean home of 'The Boss', Bruce Springsteen. And these blue-collar N.J. Nets had their own "star" role players in the post-Petrovic era too. And they were both 6 foot 5 Shooting Guards, subbing in for each other and weighing under a buck 90 and starring in the back to back NBA Finals of 2002 and 03 for the two-time Eastern Conference Champions. Both now in their forties their playing days don't seem like around a decade and a half ago. But either way these super-subs belong in Nets history like the good Doctor J or Jay-Z.
28th picks in the NBA Draft are usually sleepers...or at least long lasting veterans of value. Just Google it. Or check out these predictions this July. Lucious Harris was no exception to this rule of NBA family. We aint lyin' like 'Empire'. Harris was drafted out of Long Island by the Dallas Mavericks in 1993. And even though between stints with Iverson's Sixers and King James first reign in the Cavalier land he was somewhat of a journeyman (albeit one that travels light), Harris really made his mark in New Jersey like Devin. Making the most of the double-team outlets on Kidd when the rest of the opposition were trying to play catch-up with V.C., R.J. and K-Mart, Lucious could lick the open three or mid-range J all day. But get in his face and it was a different story. Because following a facial fracture, Harris strapped on the Kobe, LeBron and Russ Westbrook Opera face-mask and became a Rip Hamilton focussed Phantom Menace.
Meanwhile after making moves at Villanova, college superstar Kerry Kittles was expected to cut down Nets in the pre-era of Jason and his Agronauts, until knee injuries riddled his career and cut it down to substitution size. You may remember the 8th pick in the legendary '96 draft was featured on that fold-out, now duplicated iconic, SLAM rookie brick-wall magazine cover alongside greats like Kobe Bryant. But thanks (no thanks) to injury his career was more like one of John Wallace or Samaki Walker than Ray Allen and Steve Nash. Yet still before becoming a head-banded Clipper in Los Angeles NJN-2K was with the Nets through dry erase pen thick and slight of frame thin. The now Ivy League Princeton Tigers assistant was an animal when coach put him in. When Kittles burst back into the game, off the bench and on to the floor it was like rip-opening a packet of Skittles on your kitchen counter. Just numbers everywhere like colour you couldn't catch or handle in time. Kidd's backcourt partner was also a court crime assassin with the rock dealing the pill and putting it up to the glass shattering, box-score defying stats. Remember this guy once went for 40. That's something your average player just doesn't do. Forget the 14.1 ppg, 2.6 apg and 1.6 steals career pers. Or even his peers. What K did on the floor when had the ball was more than A-OK.
When it came to these two Jersey boys, Kerry Kittles and Lucious Harris were bombers before B.K. You can't talk about the Nets without two who used to go right through them. As our last President would say...WAP!
Friday, 5 May 2017
By TIM DAVID HARVEY.
Real talk. One of this generations greats and one of the NBA's most storied Boston Celtics franchises greatest and most famous legends Paul Pierce has called it a career after his last game with his hometown Los Angeles Clippers in their First Round exit in this years Playoffs. But now that 'The Truth' has been set free, before we hang his number 34 let's seperate the real from the fake and fact from fiction when it comes to one of the most genuine talents to ever play this game. 34 times to be exact.
TRUTH-Paul Pierce was born on October 13th, 1977 in Oakland, California and went to high school in Ingelwood, Los Angeles.
FALSE-He was a Laker for life.
TRUTH-A long way from the Golden State, Paul Pierce went to college in Kansas.
FALSE-The university did not retire his iconic number 34 jersey.
TRUTH-The 6 foot 7 inch, 235 pound Small Forward was selected by the Boston Celtics with the 10th pick in the 1998 draft.
FALSE-He was a bust!
TRUTH-He will always be known as one of the greatest Celtic players of all-time.
FALSE-He spent the rest of his career in Beantown.
TRUTH-In a way he may aswell have.
FALSE-He won championships with the shimmy of partner Antoine Walker.
TRUTH-The pair where one of the leading dynamic duos in the Shaq and Kobe era.
FALSE-P-Double gave Shaquille O'Neal his "Diesel" nickname.
TRUTH-Shaq gave Paul Pierce the nickname 'The Truth'.
FALSE-Paul never lived up to the monkier.
TRUTH-Paul Pierce survived being stabbed 11 times on a night out in Boston after bravely trying to break up a fight in a club. He came back to play for the C's the same season after. THE TRUTH.
FALSE-He came back the same player...he was even better.
TRUTH-In his early days he could dunk like you could never believe to remember.
FALSE-But he was James Harden on D.
TRUTH-Before Rajon Rondo with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen he started the big-three revolution. Yas King!
FALSE-Pierce, Larry Bird and John Havlicek aren't the only Celtic legends to amass 20,000 career points with the Irish green alone.
TRUTH-An injured Paul Pierce needed to be carried off court during the 2008 Finals series with legendary Los Angeles rivals the Lakers before dramatically returning to the game and winning big.
FALSE-An injured Paul Pierce didn't need to be carried off court during the 2008 Finals series with legendary Los Angeles rivals the Lakers before dramatically returning to the game and winning big. (According to Laker fans).
TRUTH-The 10 time All-Star 10th pick became a champion in said 2008 Finals series.
FALSE-But he wasn't the Finals Most Valuable Player.
TRUTH-He hit an incredible, now iconic clutch three against the Atlantic rival Knicks at New York's Madison Square Garden.
FALSE-That was the last time he'd ever hit a shot of that magnitude.
TRUTH-Upon leaving the Boston Celtics, Pierce headed to Brooklyn for the Nets.
FALSE-Teammate Kevin Garnett did not join him.
TRUTH-After the B.K. number 34 had a significant spell with the Wizards in Washington.
FALSE-He called it a career after that.
TRUTH-He returned home to L.A. for some times with the Clippers.
FALSE-But his home is really in Boston.
THE TRUTH-Or is it?
FALSE-Nothing else. And that's 'The Truth'.
Monday, 10 April 2017
By TIM DAVID HARVEY.
Hare Jordan. I believe a rabbit can fly like an eagle! And if you see it, then you can be it...there's nothing to it. Believe it! And like a kiss from the rose of Seal, Chicago's greatest like R. Kelly is about to take him there.
The year is 1996 and it's time to warn a brother. Because this ones for all the carrots. Little green men have invaded, or maybe it's just Danny DeVito? But these aliens haven't come to get our landmarks like Jeff Goldblum's 'Independence Day' that year. But more like the special set of skills from the golden era NBA's best and brightest. New York Knick legend Patrick Ewing. The mound round of rebound, Chuck, Charles Barkley, Charlotte Hornet Grandmama Larry Johnson, the biggest little man to ever step up to this game Tyrone 'Muggsey' Bogues. And...erm Shawn Bradley. Well he is 7 foot 6 afterall.
All so these little spacemen can grow and bulk like Blake Griffin to become the 'Monstars' (the worst team since the Sixers before The Process when they ran out of answers), and challenge the Looney Tunes of Daffy Duck, Tweetie Pie and Porky the Pig to a game of basketball like Prince and his revolution of pancakes to Dave Chappelle and Charlie Murphy. Hitting them em' up high like B-Real, Busta Rhymes, Method Man, Coolio and LL Cool J. The forefit? A life of slavery in the name of entertainment on Moron Mountain for our favourite cartoon rabbit hole characters that only Walt Disney would love to see.
So what's a Marvin the Martian to do? How can they beat these hustlers at their own game. They need to get themselves a real player like Kobe Bryant in 'Hang Time', no matter how good Lola Bunny's handle is. Who else they got? Wayne Nedry?! You see what happened to him in 'Jurassic Park'? Bill Murray lost in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' like animated translation? They need to crown a player fit for King. But LeBron's just a baby. How about the greatest? Six time champ Michael Jordan. The best sportsman of all-time next to the greatest Muhammed Ali. Besides he's just retired from the Chicago Bulls to play minor league baseball in the name of his father. Inbetween hitting the links of the retirement rounds with Boston Celtic legend Larry Bird who legend has it once thought M.J. was God in disguise. And boy was he right on the dollar with Money.
So here's the plan. Wait until they're playing a round of golf. Give it some time. Maybe wait 'till around the back nine. Wait for the greatest competitor of all-time to hit a hole in one and pose for a picture as he retrieves his ball from the cup and GRAB him!
What the hell was in that camera flash?! Pure entertainment as Mike is whisked to another dimension and you gotta like that. All so he can join a team a couple of blue chips away from running the picket fence like Hoosiers. But never fear M.J. is here. To run alongside his new Pippen, Bugs Bunny and win the game and the day. Saving all our childhood heroes and giving all the NBA legends their powers back. Let Shawn have his too ball...please! Hey, even Barkley promised he'd never date Madonna again.
So all those with a Basketball Jones like Chris Rock and Barry White get ready for the most out of this world game you've ever seen. From the time the most dominant of all-time Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a single contest, to last night when Jordan Brand's own Russell Westbrook broke legend Oscar Robertson's half century record for triple-doubles in a season. If you didn't get a ticket for this ESPN Classic. Don't worry there's always the '30 For 30' documentary. And a Tune Squad throwback for your number 23 collection to go between all your red, white and Nike Air black Chicago Bulls jerseys book-ended by your North Carolina and Washington Wizards one. And who knows a rematch may even fly with Griffin like a 'White Men (Still) Can't Jump' sequel. But until number 32, let's flip it back to the time the G.O.A.T. won the game on a buzzer beating dunk that strong arm stretched further than his classic free-throw line Slam Dunck contest one.
Welcome back to the Space Jam.
Yabidda-Yabidda! That's all folks!
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
With all over the rim, above due respect to the following. The Air of Aaron Gordon, who should take the chip he was robbed of off his shoulder in last years Slam Dunk Contest. Although we love what two time winner Zach LaVine did and wish him and his ACL could dunk again this time for his chance of a trilogy (get well soon young Wolf). In-game in the paint, rim ripper, Clipper-even over Blake Griffin in Lob City-DeAndre (Airbus) Jordan. The son of Milwaukee's Big Dog, the Pacers Glenn Robinson III. And Derrick Jones Jr who has risen from the D-League's North Arizona Suns to their NBA affiliate like a...well you know the rest. There's a few more names we'd like to see take flight this year like Mike from the free throw line 29 years to the day yesterday, in this All-Star weekends Slam Dunk Contest in New Orleans. No matter if they said N.O. it'd be a court carnival with these names. Just like it would if the King went for the crown...hey LeBron did promise a season or two back. Come on James! Apart from the man who takes the throne in The Land how about these names to mount the Rushmore line-up...
LARRY NANCE JR.: Like father, like dunk. No contest. Well not this year again anyway. Larry Springer still has one in his step but injury is keeping him jumping off the couch like Tom Cruise or anyone watching him at home on T.V. would be like Jerry security. Still when Flight 7 is cleared for take off and Lob City is claimed by the gold part of Los Angeles that's trying to bring Showtime back, it's like an in-game contest for the first dunk champ Larry Nance's boy. And the winner is...junior. Here's looking at you next year kid.
RUSSELL WESTBROOK: This dynamo is like dynamite in the open court. Give him the whole open floor...C4. BOOM! The fact that we haven't seen Russell Westbrook in a Dunk Contest yet is as unreal as his hops. When he runs the fast break he leaves even LeBron's basketball quarterbacking skills a little deflated. This MVP machine, triple-double averaging superstar of Jordan airs and co-signs isn't even a starter in this years All-Star game. Controversial? No! Plain and simply contradictory to his play. Just wrong. He wasn't snubbed...he was robbed. Think he's going to take it out on someone? What do you think he's been doing all season? Now there will plenty of drama on the pine as he battles with the Warriors three and his former brother in arms Kevin Durant of Golden State. But we don't want that like no love lost. We want some real entertainment.
GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO: Don't worry about spelling his name right...all you gotta do is hold up 10's. This deer strikes fear into the heart of his hunted opponent as he runs the floor like a gazelle. But have you seen how this Milwaukee Bucks 'em down? If he raises his antlers no one will be able to handle his charge as this Point Guard who moves about the floor and the defenders spacing like a rabbit when he's at it jacks it up. Above the rim he can move his body like a contortionist to find his air space. Forget behind the back! How about leg behind the head? That should mean he has an showstopping array of dunks in his magic box. Wait for the next game to believe. But this showman was built for another stage. It doesn't use all the letters of the alphabet. But you can't spell Slam Dunk without some of Giannis Antetokounmpo.
VINCE CARTER: Can we get some Air for Canada? This should have happened last year in the 2016 All-Star Weekend in Toronto, Ontario. By this year with the bourbon off the shelf in New Orleans it may be too late. The Vinsanity is about to retire. But call us crazy this half man/half amazing, all the works of the basketball Gods could still win. The 40 year old has still got it. At the weekend you saw those blocks. All year you've seen those hops. Just like his entire career he Nike aired. The Memphis Grizzlies vet was only in one contest in his prime as a Toronto Raptor. But that was all he needed as he rendered the competition extinct since. The tomahawk. The free-throw line. The honey-dip. The through the legs. We just want to see it again. From him. No imitation. The real thing. On his final flight around the basketball world. His maiden voyage. Air Carter. We salute! TIM DAVID HARVEY.
Thursday, 15 December 2016
1000 words. They say that's how much a picture is worth. Definitly more than 30 characters. Look at the one above. Look at these two. Look at them last season. Look at them now!
We and our timelines all know last season D'Angelo Russell leaked a video he filmed of an unaware Nick Young admitting he had cheated on then fiancee rapper Iggy Azalea all over social media. And as that and this story went viral two key cogs in the purple and gold Lakers machine looked like they were about to fall out. Lakers 'Sixth Man' Nick Young looked like he was ready to jump down sophomore star D'Angelo Russell's throat like when Woody Harrelson found out that Matthew McConaughey broke the partners rule on 'True Detective'. Whilst everyone was calling and labelling the young twentysomething a snitch like this was jail with little regard for the fact that his teammate over 30 had done the nasty on his blushing-ly embarrassed bride to be. But alas this is nobodies business but the individuals concerned. Cue Kermit and some Lipton.
Either way fans and rivals, not to mention player peers believed the then rookie Russell had broken the locker room code and honour. Showing a bad example as a teammate. But now D'Angelo couldn't look like a better one. Leading the post-Kobe (another great guarded guard...no stranger to things of controversy) Lakers back to the promised land Hollywood couldn't even script. Not just playing on the same team as a Laker that almost didn't make the cut, before a matured and grown Young (don't call him Swaggy anymore) waved goodbye to the waivers with the resurgent play of the player he should have always been. But on court, in the same starting line-up, as just in the nick of time Young has solved the Lou Will 6 man debate by breaking into the first five.
So D'Angelo Russell and Nick Young are running together. Side-by-side, for better or worse. In injury sickness and clutch game health. And these two are acting like nothing has happened or theres a job for them between Manhattan and Brooklyn across the Hudson after the NBA for all the bridges they've been building. Because these guys have been passing and shooting together as the most consistent players in a youth in revolt, but raw Lakers unit. Remember Young joking with Russell that he had ice (or swag) in his veins too after stealing a game-winner from Lou Williams, before joining him on the bed sore spreading injury list of the Lakers which surely resulted in more familiar territory bonding? And now they're both back together, just look at that picture. Point Guard D. Loading picking and pulling up his veteran Uncle P off the floor. Not only are they both back...they've got each others too.
Laker fans have got to love this even if you wonder how they're handling an 8 game losing streak. That this game in question increased in Brooklyn against a bad team who seemingly haven't seen any real nets since they were in New Jersey. Even in these purple bruised times the Lakers are seeing some gold shines in this repaired relationship. Showing anything is possible and everything can be brought back. Even if young, great former player/coach Luke Walton is $15K lighter for finally breaking that family trademark, nice-guy cool and dropping some almost threatening, tirading F bombs at referees after they called DeMarcus Cousin man-handling of former Kentucky alumni Julius Randle in favour of the more established superstar. Say what you will about Luke's un-Walton's like outburst but it just showed how down he was for his team and players no matter the odds. He wouldn't stand for his guys being disrespected. Sounds like a real coach. Sounds like 15 thousand dollars well spent.
That's how loyal these new passed over Lakers are 1 through 15. With a base so talented the club couldn't bring Ant Brown or Yi Jialian with them into this new season. Still it's all family. Like Larry Nance Jr. showing how he can get up like dad, like father, like dunk of the year with his latest zero G slam taking flight on a runway to the All-Star contest. From the rock Randle to the fluid Jordan Clarkson. All-Star Luol Deng and champion Timofey Mozgov. The two international guards Calderon and Huertas. The two Sixth Men who could have their year. And of course the rookie...Brandon Ingram.
Write them off now and they'll underline your name later because this really does look like a young team for the coming of the ages. But from the dime to the clutch they are going to need both a grown up Young and matured Russell to lead the way in different ones. But the only way number one and zero can do this before the buzzer counts down and rings out is together.
You got a phone? You won't need it. Soon the whole worlds going to see all these two do. Go tell somehody!
Brodies?! Nah...brothers. TIM DAVID HARVEY.
Saturday, 3 December 2016
Yeah no problem...they're right here. And don't worry about the keys and electronics they're all here too ready to go like I am. Right with my belt and boots for this metal detector. Oh wait this isn't a flight?! Pardon me just let me pull up my pants. My mum always told me I was a size 28 not M.C. Hammer.
Can't touch this!
Program?! Sure I'll take one! How much? TEN DOLLARS!? I guess that's me done for the evening. You know how much this cost me on Stub Hub!? Before the transaction fees which are like a nosebleed ticket in itself?! Nah I'm ok for a jersey and t-shirt. I got mine right here. 24 all day. Bleed purple, live gold like LSU.
Of course I'll stand and remove my hat, but maybe we should link arms or something, because let's respect everyone's beliefs. Remember how Abdul-Rauf's looked? You can take a knee if you please. Sure I'll hold your hot dog for you. Looks nice! What is that chipotle?! Nah I'm ok I was going to get one but I want to live in my apartment next month.
OK let's get it started. Here's the tip! That's what sh...never mind, Let's go Lakers/Cavs/Warriors/Bulls/Raptors etc. Delete were appropriate. What?! A timeout already!? What the hells a media timeout!? 30 seconds!? Again!? Just enough time to kill the mood but not enough time to take a leak. I know there's HD screens, but if I wanted to watch the game on the tube whilst beer was spilt on me I would have stayed at home with the boys! What another whistle!? It's not even the referee. Nah I'm not going to reach for that t-shirt. I'm not Inspector Gadget and I don't want to start a fight with that fan whose never heard Fat Joe's 'Lean Back' or danced with a girl at prom. But he sure knows how to "dab". Get that Gatling away from me Chris. This isn't Civil War Captain America and I think you just took that old man in row four out whilst everyone scratched and clawed at him like 'The Walking Dead' before Lucille. Taking the actual shirt off his back and not the one you fired with reckless abandon. One that wouldn't even fit King Kong after a week of Zumba with Godzilla.
I mean this is all fun and I love hearing that European dance tune from the 90's on repeat and taken to 11 but what about the game we came to see? We know the teams logo. We're wearing it SnapBack head to sneaker toe. We don't need it shoved in our face at 90 miles per hour even if it is free to the last fan standing. We prefer the giveaways at the door. We appreciate the million dollar marketing but we prefer the millionaires you pay to take it to the floor. LeBron, Steph. The dude from section 302 about to hit it from half court.
Just let 'em play!
Oh...wait! Cheerleaders! Is that a Kiss Cam?