Saturday, 3 December 2016

#CourtsideColumn JUST PLAY

Basketball Never Stops...Apart From A Commercial Break.

"Tickets please"!?

Yeah no problem...they're right here. And don't worry about the keys and electronics they're all here too ready to go like I am. Right with my belt and boots for this metal detector. Oh wait this isn't a flight?! Pardon me just let me pull up my pants. My mum always told me I was a size 28 not M.C. Hammer.

Can't touch this!

Program?! Sure I'll take one! How much? TEN DOLLARS!? I guess that's me done for the evening. You know how much this cost me on Stub Hub!? Before the transaction fees which are like a nosebleed ticket in itself?! Nah I'm ok for a jersey and t-shirt. I got mine right here. 24 all day. Bleed purple, live gold like LSU.

Of course I'll stand and remove my hat, but maybe we should link arms or something, because let's respect everyone's beliefs. Remember how Abdul-Rauf's looked? You can take a knee if you please. Sure I'll hold your hot dog for you. Looks nice! What is that chipotle?! Nah I'm ok I was going to get one but I want to live in my apartment next month.

OK let's get it started. Here's the tip! That's what sh...never mind, Let's go Lakers/Cavs/Warriors/Bulls/Raptors etc. Delete were appropriate. What?! A timeout already!? What the hells a media timeout!? 30 seconds!? Again!? Just enough time to kill the mood but not enough time to take a leak. I know there's HD screens, but if I wanted to watch the game on the tube whilst beer was spilt on me I would have stayed at home with the boys! What another whistle!? It's not even the referee. Nah I'm not going to reach for that t-shirt. I'm not Inspector Gadget and I don't want to start a fight with that fan whose never heard Fat Joe's 'Lean Back' or danced with a girl at prom. But he sure knows how to "dab". Get that Gatling away from me Chris. This isn't Civil War Captain America and I think you just took that old man in row four out whilst everyone scratched and clawed at him like 'The Walking Dead' before Lucille. Taking the actual shirt off his back and not the one you fired with reckless abandon. One that wouldn't even fit King Kong after a week of Zumba with Godzilla.

I mean this is all fun and I love hearing that European dance tune from the 90's on repeat and taken to 11 but what about the game we came to see? We know the teams logo. We're wearing it SnapBack head to sneaker toe. We don't need it shoved in our face at 90 miles per hour even if it is free to the last fan standing. We prefer the giveaways at the door. We appreciate the million dollar marketing but we prefer the millionaires you pay to take it to the floor. LeBron, Steph. The dude from section 302 about to hit it from half court.

Just let 'em play!

Oh...wait! Cheerleaders! Is that a Kiss Cam?

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